CHAPTER ONE

Sean wakes up and, for the first time in a long while, he’s eager to get to school. It’s the first day of his high school freshman year!

Sean makes his way downstairs and sees his mother getting ready for work.

“Have a good first day of school,” she says. “Don’t forget your medication.”

“I won’t. Thanks, Mom,” Sean replies as his mother leaves. Sean takes his medication and makes a Pop-Tart.

Sean was diagnosed with ADHD when he was small, which made it difficult for him to focus in school. He felt very insecure, until he found soccer. When he played, he could just let everything go, and he loved the feeling of freedom from his worries and fears.

Before long, Sean’s brother Dan joins him in the kitchen. Dan comes downstairs and steals the Pop-Tart.

“Hey, man, come on! That's my food!” Sean yells.

“Not anymore,” Dan says as he picks up his car keys from the kitchen table.

“Wait! Can you give me some advice for my first day? I’m kind of nervous,” Sean admits.

Dan is a junior in high school and has always been Sean’s role model. Their age gap has kept them apart, but today, Sean hopes all of that will change. After all, they’ll be in the same school!

“Just don’t be weird,” Dan teases him, then gets serious. “Look, just be yourself. You got this.”

“You mean that?”

“No,” he replies, laughing.

“Listen, Mr. Football Player, at least you’d better introduce me to some of your friends at school. It’ll be pretty lonely out there.”

“Nah. You won’t have anything to say to them. Find some friends your own age,” he scoffs.

“Thanks, big brother,” Sean replies sarcastically.

Dan heads out the door, but before he goes, he says, “Seriously though, have a good first day.”

As Sean hears the car start, he thinks: I love my brother, but man, I just wish he was nicer to me.

Sean makes himself another Pop-Tart and bikes to school.

CHAPTER TWO

Sean manages to make it into the school building and finds his first class. As he walks in, he makes a beeline to the very back of the classroom and takes a seat as far away from everyone else as he can get.

Hopefully nobody will notice me here, he thinks as he slumps into his seat.

The students all seem to be doing their own thing and ignoring Sean, so he’s relieved. Once the teacher arrives, everyone settles down.

“Welcome everyone,” says Mr. Alvarez, the social studies teacher. “Let’s start by getting to know each other!”

Everyone groans because they know they’re going to do an icebreaker game.

Sean buries his head into his arms.

Oh no. I hate talking to new people! They’re all going to think I’m such a loser!

Sean does his best to participate, but feels his anxiety kicking in. All he wants to do is run out of the room. He sits there in misery until the class mercifully ends.

When lunchtime comes, he walks into the cafeteria and sees Dan with a group of friends. His face lights up. If other freshmen see him hanging out with someone older, they might think he is cool.

“Dan!” Sean yells out to his brother, but Dan pretends like he doesn’t know Sean.

Well, that was awkward, Sean thinks to himself as he gets in the food line. He picks something to eat and finds himself sitting alone at a table.

All of a sudden he notices her—a girl, who was sitting and eating with her friends. Sean could already feel a crush on this girl starting in his chest!

I wish I could be brave enough to talk to someone like her.

After school, he walks home, just trying to forget about his first day—the tension with his brother, his discomfort meeting new people, and seeing a girl who was well out of his reach. He lies down on the couch and puts off his homework. He can only think about how exhausting everything was.

“How was your first day, hon?” asks his mother from the kitchen.

“Good,” he lies.

But she can tell something is off.

“Was Dan mean to you? I’ll talk to him if you want—”

Sean cuts his mother off.

“No, Mom, please don’t. Be cool, be cool,” Sean begs her.

“Okay, I’ll be cool. I’m cool. I’m a cool mom.”

She walks into the kitchen, and she and Sean eat dinner in silence.

Afterwards, Sean heads up to the room that he and Dan share. Though it takes him a while, he manages to finish his homework and hops on his Xbox.

I wish I had friends to hang out with right now.

After a few minutes, he hears the door open. It's Dan.

“Hey bro,” Dan says.

As he drops his sports bag and falls onto his bed dramatically, Sean thinks: Is he going to ask me how my first day was? Is he going to pretend like I didn’t notice him ignoring me?

“How was your first day?” Dan asks.

“Good,” Sean replies.

There is so much to say, but the brothers spend the rest of the night in silence.

Long after they’ve fallen asleep, their dad arrives home.

“Hi Ellen,” he says to his wife as he walks into the living room.

“Hi, hon. How was your day today? Did my police chief keep our city safe?”

“We do our best. How did the boys do on their first day at school?”

“I guess okay. I don’t know, Jim, they hardly talk to me anymore. I worry about Sean being shy and not making friends. And Dan is so involved with football that he barely has any time to show his brother around.”

“Well, older brothers are like that, you know? They want their own space. They’ll work it out, don’t worry.”

CHAPTER THREE

Sean drags himself to school over the next two weeks, struggling with both his focus and his inability to make friends. In spite of this, he stays hopeful about meeting the girl he admired in the cafeteria.

I’m going to talk to her, he thinks to himself as he tries to build up the courage to talk to his crush.

However, this morning is different. As Sean is locking his bike outside school, he feels a tap on his shoulder and is shocked to see the girl of his dreams!

“Hey,” she says. “I’m Rachel.”

“Oh, um, hi Rachel!” he blurts out awkwardly. “I’m Sean!”

“Nice to meet you. Sorry to come up and surprise you like this, but I noticed you’re always eating lunch alone. Wanna have lunch at our table today?” she offers.

Oh my god! She just asked me to eat lunch! I think I’m in love!

He immediately agrees to meet her. Maybe she has a crush on HIM!

Lunchtime couldn’t come fast enough, and at noon on the dot, Sean runs right to the cafeteria. He looks around, and suddenly, from the center of the lunchroom, he hears someone yell out to him.

“Sean! Here!”

It’s Rachel.

As he approaches the table, Sean can tell her friends are giggling. Sean’s lack of confidence immediately kicks in.

They’re probably making fun of me. They know I’m a loser.

But Rachel keeps waving, so he bravely continues to walk over.

Rachel whispers to her friends, and they give Sean and Rachel space.

“So, you’re a freshman?” one of her friends asks him.

He takes a bite out of his sandwich. “I am.”

“Coincidence,” Rachel chuckles. “I am too.”

“Nice!”

“Are you doing anything after school?” Rachel asks, leaning towards him.

“Uh—nothing. Just going home,” Sean replies.

“Wanna hang out or something?”

“Yeah!” he exclaims a bit too loudly. He deepens his voice.

“Sorry, I meant to say totally, yeah.”

He tries to act cool, but he sees her friends smirking and he knows it’s not working. Rachel seems to find him amusing though.

“See you after last period then!” she says as she gives him a hug.

The bell interrupts before he can reply, and she waves as she goes off to class. Sean stands there in a daze, thinking about what just happened.

Sean is already counting the minutes ‘til the school day ends.

School gets out, and Sean texts his mother that he will be home late. He meets Rachel outside and she gives him a hug. They begin to make their way to her house, with Sean walking his bike at his side.

“So, where did you go to middle school?” Rachel asks him.

“Oh, I went to Number 4 School. My brother and I come from that part of town,” Sean explains.

“Who’s your brother?”

“Dan. He’s a junior. Football player.”

“Oh. Do you play any sports?”

“Well, I love soccer. It’s my favorite sport and I’m thinking about trying out. Not sure. In middle school, I had to stop playing because of my grades.”

“What’s the matter? You have a problem or something?” she asks.

Sean is surprised at how direct she is. And how willing he is to be honest with her.

“I have ADHD,” he mumbles.

“You do?!” She is surprised. “Are you like, in special ed?”

“Yeah,” Sean frowns, feeling even more uncomfortable.

She shrugs, and they continue walking. When they get to Rachel’s house, Sean is surprised at how big it is. It has two stories and looks like it has a lot of rooms upstairs. There’s a nice lawn with a variety of flowers, and a patio that leads to the front door.

“This is me,” she says.

“Yeah,” he says awkwardly, thinking about his own small house.

They both wait.

“So, are you going to kiss me?” Rachel asks.

“O—Oh??” Sean takes a step back, not sure what to do.

“Wait. Have you—have you not kissed a girl before? OMG,” she says with a small laugh. “Sorry, but it’s weird that you haven’t kissed anyone by now.”

“Yeah, sorry, I never really—”

“Hey, it’s whatever. I’ll teach you,” she interrupts, leaning in to give him his first kiss.

He is frozen. Is she—wait, is she really kissing me right now?

She steps back and they just look at each other.

“See? It’s nothing.”

Sean didn’t think it was nothing.

“Could you show me again?” Sean asks.

Again, she brings her lips to his. Sean can’t imagine anything more exciting.

She laughs when she pulls away, finding it silly that he’s so thrilled at the idea of a simple kiss.

“Want to come in and watch a movie?” she asks.

He nods and she walks him to her basement. It’s set up like an in-home movie theater, complete with a big screen, a nice reclining couch, a popcorn machine, and refrigerated drinks.

Wow. This girl is out of my class.

They sit and watch a movie. All the while, Sean can’t believe he is sitting next to Rachel at her house.

When the movie ends, Sean is disappointed because it’s time to leave.

“I’d better get home,” he says sadly. “My mom will be furious if I don’t get to my homework.”

Sean texts Dan for a ride, and when he gets there, Sean waves goodbye to Rachel as she stands by the door. He puts his bike in the trunk of Dan’s car and hops in the front seat.

As he gets in, Sean blurts out, “I have a girlfriend now.”

“Okay man, I can see that! That’s great. Hope she makes you happy.”

Dan turns on the radio, raises the volume, and listens to music as they continue home.

“Okay,” Sean replies under his breath, disappointed in his brother’s response.

Couldn’t Dan be more excited? Gee, this is a big deal to me! He knows how lonely I’ve been, and now I have my first girlfriend…

They both arrive home and make a late dinner out of yesterday’s leftovers, since their mom and dad are both working late. They eat in silence.

Sean is bummed out that Dan isn’t excited for him. He wonders how Dan feels about his having a girlfriend at all. Is he worried that I’m getting older and have started dating? Or does he even care?

Though there is a lot to talk about, there is so much that is left unsaid.

CHAPTER FOUR

A few weeks later, Sean notices a soccer tryouts poster as he leaves school.

I wouldn’t have time for Rachel or my schoolwork if I tried out for soccer. If I had trouble keeping my grades up before, it’ll be even harder now with a girlfriend.

Even though he’s disappointed about not being able to try out, Sean knows that he wants a girlfriend more than soccer. So for the next few weeks, they hang out with each other all the time. Much to Sean’s surprise and discomfort, though, Rachel begins to get somewhat clingy.

Against his better judgment, he tells her he has been thinking about soccer again.

“Wait, I thought you had to quit because of your ADHD?” she whines.

Sean is taken aback. He expected her to at least be understanding.

“I’d make a good schedule for myself so I could do both soccer and schoolwork,” he reasons.

“But when would you have time for me?” she asks impatiently.

“I’d make time, Rachel. I thought you’d want me to be happy.”

“Is that all you worry about? You being happy?” she huffs as she walks away, leaving him alone with his conflict.

All this was bad enough, but one day, things got even more complicated.

Sean goes outside to meet Rachel. She has a “special date” planned for them.

“Hey, stranger,” she says, with an extra buzz in her voice.

“Hey,” he says, puzzled.

“What took you so long?”

“I wasn’t long. I was just getting my stuff,” he says, a bit annoyed at her impatience.

“Okay, fine. Let’s get out of here,” she says. “Wait till you see what I have planned!”

“All right. Let’s go!” he says, feeling better now that he sees her so excited to go out.

They head over to the nearby mall, Garden Plaza. Sean is disappointed since he doesn’t find shopping so thrilling. But Rachel seems happy to be there, so he pretends he is too. They begin to browse some shops.

“What do you like?” Rachel asks Sean.

“I don’t know,” he says. “I like hats, I guess.”

Rachel looks around the mall until she sees a cap store. She points to it and walks over, Sean following behind her.

As they enter the store, Rachel points to the selection against the wall.

“Which one do you like?” she asks.

“Uh,” he says as he looks around the store. He points at a Yankees hat. “That one.”

She begins to look around suspiciously.

“What are you doing?” Sean asks.

“Shh, nothing,” she whispers. Then, when nobody’s watching, she stuffs it in Sean’s bag.

“What are you—”

Sean tries to stop her.

“Shh—just be quiet. Don’t be annoying,” she says.

“Are you stealing?” he asks, horrified.

She zips up his bag. Nobody notices a thing.

“See, you just got a free hat. You’re welcome. Fun, right?” she says.

“Not really,” Sean says, but he secretly felt a bit of a thrill doing something he’d never experienced before. “It wasn’t right—”

She interrupts him. “Pick another hat, and I’ll steal it for you.”

Sean is hesitant at first because he knows it’s dishonest. He can’t even think about what his police chief father would do if he found it. But it made him feel daring to break rules like this. Somehow, it gave him a feeling of power inside.

What the heck, he thinks as he points to another baseball hat. She proceeds to steal that one too.

Just as Rachel grabs the hat and puts it in Sean’s bag, a store clerk rounds the corner, and Sean is looking right at him. They know each other—he’s Jeremy, Dan’s friend from school. Fear fills his body as Jeremy sees Sean.

“Hey! You!” He points at the two.

Rachel immediately takes off, leaving the store, and Sean follows. As they run, Sean thinks to himself: This is very bad. We can’t get caught!

A mall cop happens to be just outside the store. They both come to a halt. They’re out of luck.

“Officer! We’ve got two shoplifters!” the store clerk yells as he comes out of the store.

“Yep,” the cop answers. “I already got them.”

He takes the hat from Rachel and hands it to the store clerk who immediately looks at Sean.

“Hey, aren’t you Dan’s younger brother?”

“Yeah,” Sean replies. The store clerk shakes his head; he is one of Dan’s friends.

“Did you two steal anything else?” the cop inquires.

“No, we didn’t,” Rachel replies, although they both know Sean has another hat in his bag.

The officer looks at Sean.

“You didn’t?” the cop asks him.

Sean wants to say that they did, but Rachel gives him a look.

“No,” Sean answers.

“Officer, you can let them go. I know him,” Jeremy says as he points at Sean. “I’ll make sure they won’t do it again.”

“Okay, but if I see the two of you trying to steal again, there are going to be problems. Understood?” the cop says sternly. When Rachel and Sean nod, he leaves.

“You’re lucky I didn’t tell him who your father is,” Jeremy says to Sean as he heads back to the store.

“Thank you, Jeremy,” Sean says, looking down at the floor.

“Just go and don’t come back to the store. I’m serious,” Jeremy frowns.

As Rachel and Sean turn to leave, Rachel asks, “What did the store clerk mean before we left?”

“My dad is the Chief of Police,” Sean replies. “He would be very embarrassed if anyone found out I was stealing.”

“Sorry. That sucks, but he doesn’t have to know about the hat. I mean, wasn’t this still fun?” she asks him.

“Sure, yeah. Super,” he says without enthusiasm. “I should go.”

“See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” he says as they part ways.

Sean bikes home from the mall and all he can think about is: This hat should not be in my bag right now. What was I thinking? This isn’t right.

He replays that phrase over and over in his head as he gets closer to home. This isn’t right.

CHAPTER FIVE

Back at home, Sean briefly greets his mother, who’s making dinner in the kitchen. He goes right up to his room before she can reply. His mom sighs deeply.

“Why won’t he talk to me?” she asks herself. “I know something is wrong.”

In his room, Sean takes the hat out of his bag. He turns it over and over in his hands, feeling deep regret.

His phone begins to ring. It’s Rachel.

I don’t want to talk to her, he thinks to himself. Why did I let her talk me into this? For the thrill of breaking the law? What’s wrong with me?

After a few more tries, Rachel stops calling and Sean begins to cry. He doesn’t know what to do or how to make this right.

The door opens and Dan comes in from practice. Sean quickly wipes his eyes, wondering: Does he know?

“You okay?” asks Dan, coming a bit closer.

“Uh,” Sean struggles to speak. “Not really.”

“Yo, what happened?” Dan says, concerned. “You’re crying.”

“Dan,” Sean mumbles, “I did something stupid.”

“What’d you do?” Dan asks. He notices the hat in Sean’s hands. “Where’d you get that hat?”

“Rachel and I—we—” Sean struggles to get the words out.

“We what?!” says Dan impatiently.

“We were stealing, and it was at the store where Jeremy works.”

Dan grits his teeth and runs his hands across the top of his head in frustration.

“What’s wrong with you…” Dan mutters.

“I didn’t know he worked there, okay?!” Sean begins to cry harder. “I swear, it was Rachel!”

“What do you mean, it was Rachel? You’re the one holding the hat in your hands!” Dan shot back.

“You’re right. It was her idea, but I did it too. And now, I feel terrible! Mom and Dad didn’t teach us to steal,” he said through tears.

“Did you get caught?”

“Yeah,” Sean answers. “A cop found us, but we only gave back one hat—”

“Only one? So, you stole two?!”

“I’m sorry, Dan! Okay? I don’t wanna make you mad. I just wanna be a good brother! And I really screwed that up!”

The boys both pause at this. Dan wonders why Sean is worried about being a good brother. But right now, he wants to help Sean out of this jam.

“Okay,” Dan begins to think. “Does Mom know? More importantly, does Dad?”

“No, Mom and Dad don’t know. Please don’t say anything! Dad could lose his job! Please, Dan.”

“Sean, hey, calm down. First of all, Dad won’t lose his job. But he’ll be so ashamed if he has to face the officers at work, knowing that his kid stole something. You should have thought of that,” Dan said.

“I did,” answers Sean. “But I wanted to make Rachel happy. I wasn’t thinking about anybody else.”

Dan pauses for a minute. “Look, give me the hat,” he says. “I’m going to give this back. We don’t steal.”

He puts it in his bag to give back to his friend Jeremy.

“I’m a bad son and a horrible brother. I’m sorry—”

“No, don’t say that, okay? I should've been looking out for you more, especially when you first started school. I ignored you because I was acting like a big shot upperclassman and that was dumb of me. This isn’t your fault, all right? It’s partly mine,” Dan finishes.

“No, it’s not your fault,” Sean answers. “But I was beginning to think you hated me or something.”

“No, Sean,” he says apologetically. “You’re everything to me. Do you even realize that? I only ever want what’s best for you! I love you.”

Sean’s eyes fill up with tears again. Dan doesn’t say “I love you” often.

“I love you too,” Sean mutters, flinging himself into Dan’s arms, fully sobbing.

“I’m gonna be better. I promise,” says Dan as he hugs Sean.

“Me too,” Sean agrees. “I’m gonna break up with Rachel. We aren’t right for each other.”

“I think that’s for the best.”

“You need a shower,” Sean laughs.

Dan laughs as well. He starts to get a change of clothes when there is a knock on the door. Their father enters the room in his uniform.

“Hey, boys!”

“Hey, Dad,” Dan says.

“Sean, how was school?”

“Good,” Sean mutters.

The room is quiet for a moment.

“You’re home early.” Dan breaks the silence.

“Yeah, I got off early tonight.” He hesitates and looks at his sons. “You know, I miss you guys,” he says softly. “I know I’m not around a lot because of work, but I couldn’t be more proud of you both. Goodnight,” he finishes as he closes the door.

Dan winks at Sean and leaves to take a shower. Sean sits back down on his bed.

“Now, how am I gonna break up with Rachel?” he wonders.

CHAPTER SIX

The next day at school, Sean avoids Rachel, but she stops him in the hallway before lunch. She is clearly upset.

“Why didn’t you text me back? I texted and called you all night. When I text you, you answer,” she says.

Sean is fed up with Rachel at this point. He thinks: After everything at the mall, I know she isn’t good for me.

Just as Sean is about to tell her how he feels, Rachel speaks again.

“You’re so weird—”

“Rachel,” he starts, “I’m done letting you be mean to me, okay? You think everything revolves around you. You need to work on being a good friend because you’re not. And honestly? I’m done with this relationship.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s something like, ‘I’m breaking up with you.’”

“Are you kidding me? I’ll tell everyone what you did at the mall!”

“You want to? Fine,” Sean says. “It was your bright idea, and I gave the hat back. And you know what? I’ll live with the consequences if someone finds out. Would you be able to?”

Rachel isn’t sure what else to say, so she leaves in a huff.

Sean thinks: I’m alone now. Great. I guess it’s better than being with someone who doesn’t treat me right.

Just as he finishes that thought, Dan comes from behind him.

“Hey,” he says, and he gives Sean a light push.

“Did you hear all that?”

“What, no, what happened? Oh, wait, you totally breaking up with your girlfriend? Yup, I heard that.”

“What am I going to do now?” Sean asks.

Dan turns his head to a bulletin board. He looks at the soccer tryout sign-up sheet.

“Sean,” he starts, “we both know how much you love soccer. Try out again.”

“But my ADHD. I don’t want to get into more trouble with my grades!” Sean protests.

“Why don’t you give it a try?” Dan responds. “If you start having problems, I can help you out.”

“Really?” Sean is surprised at the offer.

“Yes, really,” Dan says, smiling.

Sean writes down his name and looks at his brother with a renewed sense of purpose.

“Good for you. Want to eat lunch with us at our table?” Dan offers.

“You mean that?” Sean asks excitedly.

“Of course.” Dan puts his arm around Sean’s shoulder. “My friends would love you. Come on, let’s go eat.”